So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
