You don't have asthma, your pregnant
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
