i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
