speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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