your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
