didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
