Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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