oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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