What did we do last night that was yellow?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
