Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
