I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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