and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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