he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
