I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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