if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
