he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
