Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
