wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
