PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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