I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
