I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
