i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
