The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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