i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
