She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
