we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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