went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
