Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
