I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
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why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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