These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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