I can text with my tongue
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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