doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
worst night to have a conscience
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
