im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize
