i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize
