can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
