just come out here and I will go home with you...
are you so shy because you have an std?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
