I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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