I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
