If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Randomize
