I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
