the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize