his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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