Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
