They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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