Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
So many bounce houses so little time
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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