She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
