Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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