That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
