As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
