clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
