is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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