I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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