I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
