shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
