Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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