It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
