i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
