your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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