All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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