He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
