It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Randomize
