google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
