Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Randomize
