She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
